Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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