and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
