My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
