He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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