Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
