There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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