there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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