Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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