He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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