you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just made out with a guy for $7.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
