Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize