Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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