I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
