P.S. I can't hear my feet
honey bunches of taint.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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