Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
