the day after is always just damage control
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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