My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
