everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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