I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
