So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
