You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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