You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
