i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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