Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
