When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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