FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
