I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
