alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Bring me that man meat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
