Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
