It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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