It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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