These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
