So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize