I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
