Buhtt sex?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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