this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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