You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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