The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
