my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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