i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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