On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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