im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize