Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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