some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
