So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
