sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
