his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize