is your mom at the bar?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
