from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
