You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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