Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
