so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
