I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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