who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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