but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
