she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
