he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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