so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
