I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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