I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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