i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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