I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
