all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
