If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
