I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
