My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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