Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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