I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize