whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
