Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize