when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
