i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
