Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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