Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
