Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
