I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The maid of honor just puked.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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