Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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